I'm not going to take it any more. I WANT ANSWERS!!!

This IS about the Pit bull ban in one way or another. It's about my day yesterday and me attempting to do something 'normal' on my own without Shasta. I wrote this as a vent in a forum and the spelling, well it's just plain bad, but my fingers couldn't keep up with my thoughts nor through my tears.

For me to be denied a Service Dog because of Shasta's breed is absolutely rediculas. No person should have to go through what I experienced yesterday. I'm leaving my vent as it is without correcting it as this cry to one of my forums is a cry that government can't understand. Possibly you won't neither as you may not live in a situation like I do. But I do, and somewhere out in this crazy world is my answers. I just don't know where or how to find them.

I also wrote to a London MP. Yes, I know I said MPP, but that was my confusion and it was in error. That letter follows my vent.

As a human being I have the right to live accordingly and should not be denied because my breed of dog is not your standard service dog breed. The insanity and humiliation I felt is unjustified because I can't certify my dog because of breed.

Life is unfair at times, but you shouldn't have to be MADE to live a life as this because of the breed of dog you own. I'm not taking it any more. I want answers!!!

I'm unsure were even to start.

I've been running out of my medication gradually to the point that I had no choice but to go to the walk-in clinic to see a doctor to get my medications refilled. It's been so difficult as I can't seem to get any stamina in me to do the things I need done and my mind and memory just aren't were thy should be.

It sounds funny to many, but my Christmas tree is still up with all the ornaments. It's driving me crazy, but I can't help it. I just can't take it down. I'm already using up everything with in me to get by the days.

I know the Pit bull ban has taken a lot out of me, but I'm trying to relax and a wait the verdict without it effecting my health too much.

Yesterday, my girlfriend came over and she said she would driveme to the walk-in clinic because I was getting zaps or feelings of electrical currents in my head which scared me, dizziness and buckling at the knees, a long with when the kitten lay on my cheast I couldn't barely breath.

The last time that had happened to me, the doctor told me that dropping medication like that, that I was lucky I didn't have a heart attack, so that scared me even more.

It was fine that she took me, and I figured I had come so far with Shasta, that I could do this on my own. Not only that, but the wait would be extremely long and someone could steal Shasta as uncertified, I can't bring her in with me.

They said the wait would be about 45 minutes, but it turned into an hour and a half. I already could feel I wanted so badly just to run out of that place and I was trying so hard to contain myself as I wnted to burst into tears so badly. It was as if, if I moved I would explode inside.

When my name was finally called, I don't even know how I managed to walk without tripping, but once in the small room and the nurse asked me what was wrong, that was it. I lost all control and started to cry so badly that I could hardly contain myself. I did manage somehow to tell her I had run out of most medications and was in pretty bad condition.

When the doctor came in (I had never seen him before) rather than looking at my files he started asking me all sorts of questions and my mind went totally blank. He asked me what was wrong and I couldn't even tell him because I was so confused I wanted just to be home with Shasta.

He finally looked at my file and asked questions about my conditions and I managed to say something, but he was making me sooooo angry as well as confused and telling me I was depressed. I told him I was NOT depressed and can't take antidepressants. Then he askedme if I worked which I told him no, I was not able to and he wanted to hospitalize me for depression.

By this time I didn't know if he was even crazier than me. I told him that give me my scripts and that they would get my system regulated again. I tred to explain how some of them I had gone a whole month without.

I couldn't believe he said if I could go a whole month, then perhaps I didn't need them. I thought about Shasta and what she was being muzzled for and for the first time in my life, I wished she was here to bite that clown where it hurt!!!!

I'm illergic to my own tears, so you can imagine how my face was all blown up and burning and I could feel my head was getting a migraine coming on. I just wanted to be in the house with Shasta where I knew I would be safe.

I told him I had responsibilities at home and had kids to take care of. I didn't tell him that they were of the fur kind.

After argueing about my meds with me and me telling him he didn't know me, didn't read my file, and I wasn't about to let him change my medication and play geania (sp?) pig with and just give me what my file said and let me out of here. Ignorant Bast*ard!!!

Somehow I needed to try to contain myself to get me out of that office and past the large waiting room filled with people without them seeing my face and hopefully not cry.

Instead of relief once outside, now there were people there too and I saw a large outside garbage container and quikly went behind it, sat on the ground and tried to contain myself so somehow I could manage to go to the drug store which was only 2 loooong doors down. This was like a night mare that just would quit, only it was real and I was living it.

As much as I just wanted to run for my life to the safety of home and Shasta, I knew I needed to fill these scripts. To heck with the COPD and asthma, I sat there and smoked a whole smoke while I tried to calm myself down. It was so confusing. I was mixed up and mad at the same time. My brain and heart were going a mile a minute. I tried to think each detail out how I would handle myself in the drug store to look semi 'normal'. Easier thunk then done.

Of course it was packed. My luck couldn't have been any worse and I was doing pretty good in the long line up when I started to get those erupting gulps of trying to contain crying that are hard to surpress. I had no choice but get out of the line u and head for somewhere where there wasn't any people. I found one nd stayed there for awhile, but thet wasn't going to get me home and I needed the medication.

Finally I looked again and the line was empty. Oh Lord! THANK YOU!!!! So I rushed to the counter and explained I didn't have enough money to cover all the scripts, but if I paid for what I could and they could front me enough to get through the week I'd pay the rest at the end of the month.

NO!!!!!! It can't go that easy. The new owner made it a policy of you can't pay, you no get! Naturally the tears started all over again and I'm appologizing. Yeah! Appologizing because I'm a basket case in tears! For many this is easy, but for me it was agonizingly horrible with seemingly no end in sight. I JUST WANTED TO BE HOME to make this night mare stop!

The girls were really sweet and called the pharmasist for me to see if she could help me. I thought I had just asked the same of what the paharmasist said she would do, but at this point, I wasn't sure of anything anymore. Whatever she said I agreed with, ad tried to pay, but was told to wait until I received my meds. I'm thinking I should have known that. Now I didn't know anything.

Filling the scripts were going to take quite awhile, so I asked if they could be delivered so I could just go home. Sheesh...that couldn't even be easy! It was too late and the only delivery guy wasin training and didn't know the area yet. I'd have to wait. I told her I was too embarrest with me crying, so she told me to go in the back outside where nobody was and maybe I could contain myself. I think I walked out like a romote control robot just following orders. The only thing that didn't work was my shut off button for the tears and my face was burning so badly and between my eyes I could feel the swelling of the migraine growing.

At least I was alone except for a few parked cars. I knew I looked like some kind of bag woman with a king size face and eyes bulging. If I was in my right mind I would have laughed at the situation...but if I was in my right mind I wouldn't BE in that situation. Anyway, it was a matter of getting my scripts and going home after the wait and that thought kind of calmed me.

A small dog turned the corner were I was sitting and I reahed out to pat it. For a brief moment I felt good as I said hello to it. A second later the owner following the leash came around and called the dog away from me as if I was a piece of dirt it shouldn't get into. I knew I looked bad, but that was insult to injury. I couldn't even pat her dog. The tears started again. Where were they all coming from???? I'm NOT a crier. I usually laugh at the insanity of everything, but this was different, I didn't have Shasta and that made such a difference.

I finally got the scripts and started for home trying to hide my face as people were walking by. I noticed that seemed to make them look more, so I decided, you wanna see my face??? Well HERE! You got it! I didn't hide my face nor my tears, I walked as fast as I could knowing each step was one step closer to home. With each step the electrical current in my head zapped it my head by now was killing me. I didn't care... I was so close!!!!

I somehow manged to unlock myy door and Shasta came running. Instead of getting excited like normal she took one look at me and then did the most ingredible thing you can think of. She did like with my panic attacks. She lifts herself up on two legs and places her front paws on my shoulders but with no pressure to me. We call it hugs. She started tonging my face, but slowly and not wet. Slowly across my forehead first, then carefully across on side of my face, then the other, back to the forehead. All this is done delicately as if a person was wipng my face gently with a face cloth and saying you'll be alright. I felt the calm come into me and I relaxed until I realized the funnyiness of it all. It took Shasta (a dog) to do what nobody else could do. When she saw I started to laugh she knew I'd be alright but she stayed by my side even though i NEVER THOUGHT WITH All that time passing she probably had to go pee real bad.

I started to swear when I couldn't open any of the stupid bottles and I told Shasta they probably used crazy glue to seal them on me. The look on her face made me laugh and I swear she thought I'd take a hammer to them to bust them open, but somehow they finally gave way.

I had to think for a moment what or how many I should take, but I took them and evntually I could feel myself relaxing somemore, plus I had taken a migraine pill.

Withg all this behind me, I started to feel sick to my stomach and Shasta followed me, but then I thought I can't throw up or the meds will come out. I took my sleeper and it wasn't even 10 PM but I didn't care. I let Shasta out for a pee and said it was time for bed. I had too much of that day and I couldn't take anymore.

Today, I emailed my MPP and told him my story. Not as dramically as I did just now about my day, but from getting Shasta as a pup to now and how badly I realize I NEED her certified. I left out her breed though. The tears flowed as I repeated my day here so spelling errors, forgiveme. My brain is faster than my fingers. Hopefully I hear from him soon for answers.

I really needed this and sorry for the vent but it had to come out.


Good afternoon XXXXXX

I have been searching for an answer to my question, but nobody seems to know where I would go for answers.

I am physically, mentally and cognitively disabled. I also live with phobias, chronic anxiety and suffer with panic attacks and I live alone.

I was not able to leave my apartment, nor talk to strangers unless someone was with me and they did the talking. This was due to an abusive marriage that ended up breaking my neck and the trauma of keeping my secret and the fears of the surgery suppressed, that I went into post traumatic stress for approximately five years and the phobias increased. I'm happy to say I am no longer in that situation, but it has permanently effected me as well as multiple health conditions that has me disabled.

I needed to rely on people to help me in many ways, such as going grocery shopping, taking out garbage, getting me to doctors and specialist appointments, etc. People are not readily available when you need them and this causes stress and anxiety as you are always trying to balance your life schedule around them. Simple things that people take for granted are considered either impossible or will take a considerable longer length of time and challenge to accomplish, and because of that you end up bed ridden or in severe pain and lack of energy which could take months to get over.

My doctor who understood all of my conditions, phobias, disabilities, etc., had left the province in November of 2004 to practice in Calgary. Prior to him leaving, he did set appointments up for me to see specialists, but was not here to give them any reports when my appointments finally came.

In 2002, just prior to the doctor leaving, I was looking after a puppy which I was training to be calm and mannerly for a family with a youngers and an new born. This puppy changed my life in so many ways that was incredible. Because the puppy needed to be taken outside to learn house breaking, I had little chance but to take the puppy outside to do it's chores.

I live in a 3 story walk-up but am on the main floor as climbing stairs is difficult, or at times impossible. I had the property manager install a lock to my patio door so I do not have to climb the stairs to the main entrance during difficult times.

With taking out the puppy just around my patio, puppies attract people, another fear of mine, but because the subject was about the puppy I found it became easier with time to not only go further, but also speaking to strangers about the puppy and it was becoming enjoyable after awhile. Her socialization also became my socialization and it also gave me a purpose to try harder.

It turned out the family that owned the puppy had their hands full with the children and work and they offered me the puppy as they could see how much both the pup and I had proceeded and bonded.

My pup seemed to be very perceptive and exceptional regarding my conditions and together we started to experiment how to make it work to my advantage for independence. She loved pulling the sled to the garbage bins, although heavy bags are still difficult for me to throw in at times. She pulls a wagon and we go to the grocery store together now and she pulls my groceries home.

During times of anxiety or stress when I take panic attacks, she intuitively has learnt to pull me out of them. She knows when my health is bad and the difference of my better, more normal days.

I did not know that there were Service Dogs available for my conditions and did not find this out until a couple years later when asked why I didn't get her certified. This was my turning point and became aware that my life did not have to remain to a 2k radius that my dog and I have finally gotten to.

I'm not allowed to drive a vehicle because of my memory or cognitive problems and I have phobias with public transportation. While I have come a long way with my dog, I'm at a stand still. She is not allowed into stores and attempting to bring out packages or groceries to her wagon is difficult. It may not effect me at the time, but the next day or the day after I could be bed ridden because of the extra exertion I needed to do.

I LOVE the fact that I am now independent to a certain degree. But knowing I could be so much more independent makes me feel cheated, as if I have boundaries that I can not conquer all because my dog is not certified.

As far as training, I have called several trainers and they have all told me that I have already trained her to my needs and training would be a waste of money, although she did go for CGN training (Canadian Good Neighbour) put out by the Canadian Kennel Club, graduated and received her certificate. I have researched the web what is expected of a Service Dog and have taught her not to take food unless given. She does not react to being bumped by grocery carts as I can be quite clumsy and loud noises do not scare her, such as dropping pans or even fireworks displays. She is a social butterfly with both people and animals, yet knows the difference between work or play and when it is permitted or not.

I have spoken with and matter of fact, seen by Guide Dogs of Canada when they had their walk by the Lions Club last year. They were amazed at the job I had done with her, her manners and her calmness. But, as always, there is always a 'but' in my situation. They do their own training for their clients with their own dogs. They also do not train a dog over two, which she was at the time.

Had I not have had phobias and knew about training, I would have done what was required for her, but you can not blame a person who was unable at that time to even speak to people regardless as the right people and had no clue what my rights were.

Yesterday, I needed to go to the walk-in clinic and a girl friend gave me a ride there but was unable to wait. I thought I had come such a long way that I could handle this on my own. Instead, it showed me that without the other part of me (my dog), I completely fell apart at the office that the doctor there ( I had never met him prior) suggested I either should be in hospital or on antidepressants. I tried to explain I was NOT depressed that I had conditions, but because I was in such a state I wasn't able to explain my situation so he could understand me. I could not control my crying and frustration. I was embarrassed because of it and I needed to get home somehow.

I did make it home like the darkest of night mares and as soon as I came inside the door, my dog immediately took her role to calm me down rather than excitement of seeing me. I know with her by my side, the anxiety and panic wouldn't have happened.

I live in a one bedroom apartment and I am on ODSP. I can not afford another dog to be my Service Dog, as well as my own dog gives me all that I require plus she acts as a therapy dog with me too. Yesterday showed me the importance of certification. It is no longer a matter of my boundaries, but she is my confidence and side of me that does not work, but together we (or I) am a whole individual that can conquer battles of life together.

Please Mr. XXXX. Tell me where or how I can get her certified as my Service Dog. I need her more than anyone knows.

Anxiously waiting for your reply,
Connie XXXXXX

Please note that I am much better speaking in writing than in person and this email has taken me hours to write.